Held on the first Tuesday in November each year, the Melbourne Cup is Australia's premier horse race and the world's richest handicap race with prize money of several million dollars. Run over 3200 metres, the Melbourne Cup is regarded as the truest test of a thoroughbred's staying ability.

For those lucky enough to be in Melbourne on the day, Flemington Racecourse is the place to be. Start with a chicken and champers picnic in the members carpark (that's why they put a picnic table in the boot of the Rolls Royce, darling). Follow this with the big race of the day, which is of course the race for best frock and most outrageous hat. This race is normally reserved for the fillies, but hey, rules are made to be broken. Usual weight for age handicap rules apply.

Next comes that bit where the ponies gallop around the track. Being a distance event, the Cup usually takes around 3 minutes to run, giving plenty of opportunity for your chosen horse to leap to the front, only to be run down in the final straight and finish a disappointing 14th. The final event of the day sees the running of the "high-heels-on-grass-after-a-bottle-of-champagne" stakes, with frontrunners getting a chance at a taxi home.

For the rest of us, Cup day usually means quaffing a couple of drinks with a little lunch, and trying to avoid volunteering to go to the TAB (betting shop) where the queues are miles long.

A time honoured tradition of Cup Day is the office sweep, where for a small stake participants are allocated a horse at random by drawing a name from a hat (or a box in more egalitarian offices). Monies are allocated to the three place getters, and in the true spirit of Australian sportsmanship, the person allocated the horse that runs dead last usually getting their initial stake back.